Clarkey’s Comment. Legends Rd 4, 2019 Match Report.


Round 4

Legends V Beaconsfield

In the afterglow of the Federal election as ScoMo relaxed, lit up a cigarette and moved over so slightly to avoid the wet patch, the raider legends descended on Beaconfield at 9am.

Kicking the dew off the ground was an understatement. Not even Keith Greig and his Super Sopper could dry this thing out. It was wet weather footy without the rain.

The game was like election night, we were Bill Shorten’s mob whilst the Beacy boys were ScoMo. Early voting had the raiders up and looking good at quarter time. Some standout campaigners like Biscuits and Bradders were early leaders. Great clearance out of the centre and our forwards were as well fed as Clive Palmer at a sausage sizzle. . BeacMo were looking worried.

But voting is a funny thing, the electorate changed a little in the second quarter with a definite swing to BeacMo. Great campaigning from Tugboat MP and the incumbent Rossco MP kept us in the game and up by a goal at half time.

Climate change was the big issue and started to have an affect on our chances. The ground was drying out and high marking was back in style.

Our self funded retiree Doc was getting agitated and could almost be seen kissing his franked shares goodbye. Terry on the wing who was clearly using up his travel allowance battled on. Umpiring was frequently sent to the senate where dubious frees were argued and things at three quarter time were tight. BeacoMo with a swing in a few marginal seats like Full Forward and Who-The-Fuck-Has-Number-75, managed to steal a few votes and took the lead by 3 points halfway through the last. We hit back with a few postal votes and grabbed the lead by three points with a minute to go. Pollsters were strutting around saying “I predicted this” with Laurie Oakes on his third Big Mac and Penny Wong wondering “do I still look Asian even if I don’t have black hair?” It was tense stuff. Fluffy did an ankle and like the Greens, no one cared.

It’s times like this that a lesser known Independent named Mr Boundary would have been useful for our little tilt at the Prime Ministership. But hindsight is a luxury we didn’t have..well we have it now..we have shitloads of hindsight, I got freakin hindsight to spare..I’m blinded by hindsight..but in hindsight we did alright.

As election night went, BeacMo got over the line by 3 points and we were left to rue the day we ever mentioned higher taxes, death tax and franking credits.

Best campaigners: Biscuits for PM, Bradders MP , The Right Hon. Rossco, Senator Rugby Ross, Electoral Official Crivellero, with good polling by Razor, Cus and Cheezel.

Our sponsors